Lost in the Lust for Life

I'm in love. Not with a person, not with an idea. I am in love with the inspiration that life brings me. I am in love with the colors of the water that decorate our earth like a mystical blanket. With the sounds of cars speeding by my window, ever so busily. I am in love with the way the humid air kisses my skin on a hot and blazing day. I am in love with the color of the plants that surround me, pressed against a stormy sky backdrop. I am in love with the sounds of laughter that echo from my own chords.

You are not my muse. No one will be my singular inspiration. Not even myself. The gentle ideas that flow off my tongue would have found their place on my lips whether you found yours or not. The sounds of life that flow from my lungs will continue to flow long after you are gone. My eyes will open, and close, without your finger pointing to where I shall look.

See, it is not a person that I love with such deep longing, it is not a person that I wish to know forever, for that ship has sailed. But rather, it's the warmth that runs through my body and out into the world that breathes fire into my eyes. I'm not your typical romantic. I don't need flowers, sunsets, or kisses on the neck. I don't need poems or chocolates or moonlit walks on the beach. I need to be set free, safe enough to wander however far I desire. I need to hike to the top of a canyon, swing from the tallest tree on the river bank, and watch the storm clouds roll in from the edge of the earth. I need to jump from the highest altitudes and dive the depths of  the ocean, searching for meaning in what I feel, knowing I will always discover more. I need to run loose in a field of sweet grass, dance through the streets in the rain, roam beneath the trees, beneath the singing birds perched upon the branches I long to rest on. I don't want love, I want more than love has to offer. I want life.

But what good is the adventure, the pure happiness, without someone to share it with? What good is the breath that leaves your mouth when the view in front of you takes your thoughts away, if there is no one to breathe it back into you? What good is the thrill, the adrenaline, the tickle in your soul if you can't turn to someone and look them in the eyes, knowing they feel it too. Knowing that they understand the lust and the surge of life that flows through your veins.

There are a million things I must do before I will sit in a rocking chair on a porch next to someone, call it a day and just be in love. There is so much to feel with those who crave to discover the very ground I dream of walking on. So much time to spend, alone and with as many different minds as possible. But even with all that I already know, there is a whole life before me that I can't even think on.

You may not be my inspiration, none of you may be my muse, ever. But there is one bad-ass bitch who will always rip the words right out of my spinning head, better than I ever could have explained them. Life, that's who.