Some relationships appear to be diversions. Something to distract yourself from soul searching, from getting to know your true self, who you are, what you are made of, what you seek in life. You don't want to get to know your deepest, truest self? No problem! Get to know this dude instead. Because that makes so much sense, right? Dedicate your emotional and daily life to learning about and falling in love with another human because the thought of learning about yourself and falling in love with yourself is just so exhausting. Or scary. Or overwhelming.
I get it, I truly do! I was there once, I was there last week. We seek out emotional companionship, intimate connections, and a union of support because we need a crutch. We need someone to get us by, to teach us about life and about love and what our hearts are capable of. But what about you? What about your soul and all of the things you've never learned about yourself? What about your deepest thoughts that you can't even tell yourself, let alone your significant other?
Not all people/relationships are like this, that's not what I am getting at. Some of you out there have done the soul searching. You've gone to the movie alone, eaten the expensive dinner, table for one. You have gone to sleep alone every night for the last year. You've gotten home from work, cooked up one chicken breast and laughed -or cried- alone. You've taken the hiatus from intimacy, for whatever reasons, and turned inward. You've experienced yourself in the darkest, deepest corners of your soul. You know what you need, what you want, what you desire, and what you desire to never be. You've came clean with your issues of denial and the aspects of your life and of yourself that need to be faced. You did it all on your own and that is truly magnificent. Congratulations, you have learned how to love yourself, each and every bit of you.
So my point here is this: We all need someone to connect to. We all need someone to love and be loved by, with whom we can explore life and all it encompasses. But we need two of them, and one is yourself. You need to love and be loved, by yourself and your partner. You need to discover and experience profound joy, with yourself and with your partner. You need to feed your soul, to explore it and learn how it grows with each and every breath, as well as learning about your partner's life/love and where it fits into your journey. You can't do any of this, I mean you really can't get anywhere deep, without knowing your true soul better than your subconscious desires.
What if I'm wrong, what if you simply don't see things this way? Well that's just fine but here's what will probably happen if you neglect your self discovery and put discovery of someone else first. You will find a him, or a her, and you will fall into an unhealthy projection of a partnership that echoes and pokes your deepest, darkest wounds. You will be lost in denial of what truly makes your heart ache because you feed it with the love of someone else, who may not always be able to be that tape and glue for you. You will search in his/her eyes daily for reassurance of who you are and what you are meant to be. You will constantly need validation that they are going to stick around because you have discovered their soul before yours, without them you are empty. Or so you'll think.
In order to not end this on a pretty negative thought, I urge you all to fall deeply, madly, and irrationally in love with yourself. You crave companionship? Desire? Passion? Support? Go within and find the endless supply of love and strength you have to discover. I gaurentee, I PROMISE that as soon as you do this, as soon as you decide to be your person, another one will come along. And they will be your second person. You will fall in love with them and they with you, for you will both have one very important thing in common. Unconditional love for self. And when you love yourself always and forever, no matter what happens, well how could someone else not love you too?
