Today I woke up feeling a myriad of complex emotions. I have been pacing around my space ever since dragging myself out of bed, trying to work through and understand what it is that I am feeling. That is when my fragile mind was greeted with the heavy realization that a lot of people are processing A LOT of emotions right now, and sometimes this impending feeling of doom that is looming over us all can create a vacuum where we attempt to escape to. The weight of the fear and experience as we slow dance into this unknown realm of humanity and illness is consuming. This is not something that we have experienced before, as a collective, and that makes it really easy for the shadow of fear and hopelessness to push down on us like the weight of a thousand lifetimes. We simply don't have much information or inspiration to look to for comfort or guidance. All we have is each other. Here. At this moment.
There is a certain existential dread that is seeping through the cracks in our foundations. Something as novel and uncertain as this experience can wholly take over our ability to process the things in our life that have changed recently or are changing in relation to all of this. The loss of a job, the loss of a partner, the loss of a loved one. Any difficult emotional experience that was already here or came attached, is putting that much more weight on us all to process our emotions and be okay during this time of fear.
That is precisely why I am sitting here, typing this out. Life is handing out too much, right now. There is a lot to process and it is more than likely triggering all of those places within you that have either been or will soon be, calling out for attention and healing. I have been spending the last 9 months or so, consciously digging into the wounds that sit below my surface and deep into my psyche. I have learned quite a bit from my journey so far, enough to know what some people might be experiencing right now, enough to understand how difficult this time will be for people emotionally, as they are thrown into the chaotic unknown. Here is what I understand and I hope it may help you understand what is going on within your emotional body, at this time. Or, at the very least, give you the support you may need to feel through some of the emotions that may come up for you.
Take a moment to bring your inner-child into your awareness. This idea of the part of you that was once totally and completely innocent and helpless. The part of you that was brought into this world with a clean slate. Already understanding big love, already being connected to your whole self, naturally feeling emotions as you learned how to process them. Learned from adults. Adults who were already carrying the weight of the world on their backs. You were young and curious, though, and most of the time, impervious to this weight. Completely blind to it. As you deserved to be. After all, you were only a child! It was not your responsibility to hold this weight. But that does not mean it didn't affect you.
As a defenseless, dependent child, you looked to those who were older and more established in this world, to shape your understanding. The things you experienced or felt but did not understand were most likely explained to you through how the adults and caregivers in your life responded to their own experiences and how those experiences affected their response to you. You absorbed what the models in your life showed you or gave you. The best they knew how to be, was handed to you as truth. This most likely resulted in some conditioning or even wounding that has been a part of your identity since these ever so formative years. These wounds or beliefs have been festering and gathering reinforcement for your own life experiences. These are the wounds that will surface right now.
When we are placed in the path of danger or destruction, when the structures in our life (or in our society) are being torn down, hastily and without remorse, our inner child is brought to the surface. Our defenseless, dependant, innocent self that has been hiding away, trying to feel safe in the adult world, is left unprotected and vulnerable to all that is collapsing around them. No matter how much work you have done, no matter how much soul searching and therapy, healing, and self-realization you have accomplished, this inner child is going to start screaming (if they haven't already). Screaming out in fear, in pain, in discomfort, and in a state of scary vulnerability. We may fall into old habits of survival or suppression, only they will be very loud and conscious at this time, making it harder to ignore them. Making it harder to go along with them and take them as wellness. This can be and is terrifying. Overwhelming. Destabilizing. Especially unfair, at a time when we are trying to survive and feel safe within ourselves, is this overpowering tantrum coming from our vulnerable self. But there is no such thing as coincidences and this is not one. Our vulnerable self needs us.
At any point in our lives, at any point in time, our firm grasp on this world and on our lives may become dismantled and lose its structure. Parts of what we have built as truth and as our identity/life will fall away. They will wither and die, crumble and fall, crash and burn. There is no path of avoidance, there is no detour. It is a part of life and usually happens in its own time, in the individual experience. Right now it is happening for the individual and it is happening for the collective. It is interconnected, making it very heavy, MAKING IT VERY LOUD! It is up to us all to step up and nurture our own inner children, right now. To take the parts of us that feel triggered, vulnerable and unsafe and to hold them close. To care for them. To allow them to express how they feel and then find ways to comfort and soothe them back to a state of rest. Like a screaming, hungry baby, our vulnerable, scared selves are begging to be heard and fed. To be held and to be loved. This is OUR job and only our job. No one else, no physical object, no alcoholic beverage, no pill or state of denial will do this for you. It will only give you a temporary feeling of safety and calmness. No, it is absolutely up to you to care for yourself at this time and to do what helps you feel safe. To do and expose yourself to what helps you feel calm and able to do this. Because you can, we all can!
*A note for the people who have lost someone that they love. Whether they died or they left, that wound will be exacerbated at this time. Grief will circle around and the feelings of loss and abandonment will be overpowering. It can inhibit your ability to care for yourself if you allow it. This person who is no longer in your life, no matter the reason, would want you to take care of yourself. Just because someone you love is absent or choosing to be absent from your life during these difficult and scary times, does not reflect a drop of what you deserve. You are loved, you are cared for. You deserve to feel safe, nurtured, and comfortable. Find the support you need to get yourself to a place where you can care for YOU because right now, that is all we can control. You are your most important priority and right now, you are all you need to focus on. Focus on taking care of yourself and the rest will come naturally. We are in this together, my friends! You are NEVER alone 💓
No comments:
Post a Comment