What we might not always think about or consider, are the small little bags that are virtually weightless. The deceiving pouches that can be tucked somewhere and left for a very long time. Too long of a time. They are so malleable and can easily take the shape of whatever crevice you store them in. These are the bags that we forget we carry with us. The bags that don't weigh enough to beg for a complete release. The ones that fall behind the dresser or get kicked under the couch until things get moved around and they show up out of nowhere. Until we are ready to uncover them. Until it is time. These are the bags that need your attention most. These are the bags that, once discovered, unpacked, and fully removed from your space, can absolutely change your life and the way you experience it.
At some point in our lives, unfortunately, the majority of us (if not all of us) experience something horrific. Something tragic, something devastating, something violating. Something that steals our innocence, our magic in life, and closes us up like a Halloween store on November 1st. We can lose our sense of hope, our innate need to connect, to ourselves and to those we love. We can forget how to sing in the shower, lose interest in our hobbies, give up our favorite things in the world, all because we are lost. Lost trying to put back the pieces of our apparent shattering. So what happens when it is too much to bear? When the medication is not enough and the only way to survive, to continue to breathe and wake up every day, is to forget? What happens when you are too young and precious to understand and work through what has happened to you? When it is too heavy, you fear you will break if you try to hold the weight of it all? When your true self has to hide away for weeks, months, maybe even years, all so that you can continue on the path you intended before your world was stepped on? What happens when the only way you feel truly safe is to adopt a new way of living, a new way of being? One that wipes out everything you knew you were and everything you had hoped for in life and leaves you just surviving?
People do not talk about these things enough. There is not enough space in society for people to express these burdens naturally and comfortably. The world does not recognize the danger of walking around life, hollow and unforgiving. They do not understand what it does to them, how cruelly it shapes them. Not when there is too much to do and too much to catch up on, just to feel normal. How incredibly wrong it is to give up on all you hoped and loved, just to remain alive? How unfair! It does NOT have to be this way and it shouldn't. You should never give up on yourself in hopes of one day being ok. What about the strength and courage that truly lies within you? All of you! You are a fighter, a dreamer, a lover, and alive. Naturally. You shouldn't have to fight to be any of those things. You just are.
So how?? How can one possibly come back from the (for lack of a better word) fucked up, twisted, unfair ways life has affected them? Well, the answer lies in those teeny tiny bags. The ones that hide for years, undetected. Until a trigger is pulled. It all comes flooding back, like a tsunami wave inside of your body. Your nervous system implodes and your brain melts. You are left with the defense system of a toddler. Helpless and shaken to the core. But you are safe. You are NOT where you were when you were harmed or traumatized. You are not who you were when you didn't see it coming. It has changed you on a molecular level and now you can move. You can scream. You can cry and you can fight. You are safe and you are strong.
Now you can hold these little bags, right in your very own hands. The ones that are so small, you are unable to understand how all of that pain, all of that fear, and all of that anger fits into them, all at once. But you see, that is why it had to explode. That is why it had to get your attention. You never would have seen it there, way too full, in that dark and forgotten corner, until something stabbed it and ripped it wide open. We may have cleared out the large, obvious luggage that came from a specific experience, but the tough ones, the ones that leave us with a scar or seven, always need more. They always have a couple of carry-ons that stow away for way longer than their respected flights. It takes time. It is our job to love ourselves and care for ourselves enough to find these bags through PTSD triggers, through resurfacing memories, through repeated experiences, through talk therapy, or even other kinds. It is our responsibility to nurture ourselves through the discovery and unpacking of these camouflaged containers. It is our right to free ourselves from them, but only we can do that. Only we can muster up the courage we already contain to finish clearing these bags out, once and for all until we can breathe the fresh air and see the light of day without these bags hanging over us like a vampirical shadow of subordinate suffering. Because they don't have to. We always have the choice to let go.
When it comes down to finding true peace in life, it is absolutely possible. No matter what has happened to you or how this world has shaped you, it is always in your power to climb that mountain it created right in front of you. It is not easy. It is not quick. It is not simple, fun, or painless. In fact, it will hurt. It will suck. It will be a fight. Build up support around you, in every single direction. Find a community, a family, a friend. Take care of your body. Feed it. Nourish it. Move it. Rest it. Take care of your mind. Meditate. Journal. Talk to a professional or even just a voice recording app. Speaking out loud, allowing yourself to feel, seeking support when and where you need it, and making self-care and feeling safe a number one priority will take you very far in this journey of uncovering and healing. Consider me a friend in this journey of yours, standing with you in solidarity as you take on the injustices and the unfair rations of pain that have been bestowed upon you, just for being a human. I see you trying your hardest to breathe and to live, and with the right mindset and a lot of love, I promise you that we can all unpack these bags together and live. Together, we can heal and rise. A new life for ourselves and a brighter world for us to dream in. Don't give up, give it all you got. You are so worth it and it works, if you work it 💚
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